How Much Are You Dependent on Your Marriage

Marriage is the best form of companionship designed by mankind. After marriage a person is assured of at least one friend for life. Marriage gives some assurance that one will have a companion through thick and thin till the end. We cannot call our other friendships and relations so dependable. That is why marriage is important. All this was certainly true, few decades ago. Is it so even now? How far are you dependent on your marriage to derive satisfaction and peace in life?

Now let us examine some personalities. For my first example I will take a man/woman who is career oriented. For whom nothing matters other than the career and achievements in the work place. What kind of married life will such a person have? One can assume that such a person will not be very dependent upon married relationship. Such a person will not undergo an unbearable shock if marriage breaks.

Take another example of a person who has a large group of friends and socially networks very well. Attends all the functions, parties and celebrations thrown by friends. If someone is a typical social animal that thrives in a group of friends and invents reasons for gatherings, will he/she depend on the married life for happiness? Such people are not highly dependent on their married life for happiness. Their attitude is different.

On the other hand, let us take an example of a person who is introvert and likes to remain with and shares more time with family. Such a person is a devoted family person and may get devastated if separated or after the death of spouse.

All of us derive different pleasures with different relationships. Our priorities vary. Our value system varies. Because of these differences in our personalities, marriage may or may not play a very important role in every ones life.

Arguments Steal Mind Power

Have you ever noticed that arguments are rarely “won?” Even if you think you won an argument, what did you win? If there really is a loser, he at least learned something, right? What did you get? Ego satisfaction, debating practice, and diminished mind power.

Arguing Diminishes Mind Power?

There are times when things need to be debated, but most of the time, it really isn’t productive. Do you want to argue the point? What do you get from a useless debate, and more importantly, what do you lose?

One thing is certain. A person listening to arguments can learn something from both sides, but what about the participants? If your opponent makes a really good point, do you say, “Hey, you’re right!” or do you more often just look for a better argument?

Arguing too much gets you in the habit of looking for arguments more than for truth. You also get deeper into your thinking ruts the more you defend a position. In a rut and ignoring the truth? If that doesn’t sound like it’s good for mind power, it’s because it isn’t.

Mind Power From Listening

If you say the moon is closer, and I say the sun is, one of us has to be right. If you say nurture is more important, and I say nature is, we’re both right. The first argument has clearly defined terms. This isn’t common, and even here, what’s the point of arguing?

In the second example, our arguments have to do with values and experiences. We’ve seen different things in life, and we could spend a lifetime defining “important,” or I could shut up and listen. My mind becomes more powerful with the addition of your ideas and knowledge. Listening is the better way.

To break the habit of arguing, purposely ask for peoples opinions, and listen without saying anything. You can ask them to clarify, but don’t offer one contrary idea. Do this enough, and you’ll be surprized how much you learn. Some of us are also surprized by how difficult this simple technique can be, but it works.

What to Do When You Catch Your Partner Cheating

Are you in a serious romantic relationship? If you are, is your relationship defined as being boyfriend and girlfriend? If it is, you may still be curious about cheating. Despite the fact that you may not be married, it doesn’t mean that a cheating partner will not hurt.

If you catch your boyfriend or girlfriend cheating, you may be curious as to what you should do. After all, a quick internet search online will mostly produce results for married couples. As a reminder, just because you are not married, it doesn’t have to mean that you have to put up with a cheating boyfriend or girlfriend.

If you learn that you boyfriend or girlfriend has been cheating, the first thing that you will want to do is take a step back. You will want to fully think the situation through. Catching a cheating spouse often results in impulsive actions. It is expected, but it can be harmful. As for what you should do when you do learn about the cheating, please continue reading on.

If you actually catch your boyfriend or girlfriend in the act, like if you see them having sex, leave the room. In fact, you should do so immediately. Verifying an affair is one thing, but staying the room, even just to argue, is not advised. Vacate the premise immediately, unless of course it is your own home. This gives you time to think about what you saw and what your actions should be, without having to see half naked bodies sitting in front of you.

Be sure to think about what you saw or what you learned. If you are seriously considering ending your relationship, do not decide right away. Instead, ask your boyfriend or girlfriend for a little bit of time apart. This is ideal if you do not live together. If you do live together, ask that your cheating partner stays with friends or family members. At the very least, have them sleep in another room.

Another action that you can take is to breakup with your boyfriend or girlfriend. As previously stated, you may not want to do this right away, especially if you are in a long-term relationship. With that in mind, be sure to remember that many men and women who cheat often do so again and again. Do you really want to always be wondering if your boyfriend or girlfriend is where they say they are?

If you are interested in trying to save your relationship, you should recommend counseling to your cheating partner. Although counseling is often associated with marriage, couples counseling is also available and can be helpful as well. Your chances of saving your relationship are better if you are older, as opposed to being a teenager, or you have been in a long-term relationship. For many, long-term relationships are worth saving.

As for what you will never want to do, never resort to violence. When placed in situations, such as a finding a cheating spouse, both men and women have the ability to become violent. This violence may be physical, verbal, or a combination of them both. Whatever you do, do not resort to violence, as it often makes the situation much worse than it needs to be.

As you can see, there are a number of different ways that you can go about dealing with a cheating boyfriend or girlfriend. Whichever approach you do take, just be sure to follow your heart, but use your best judgment at the same time.

Conflict Resolution that Validates the Other Person’s Perspective

Most people approach differences of opinions with other people attempting to defend their point of view. Our intention may be to defend our personal position, but most people view our defensive stance as attacking their viewpoint. It can create confrontation and easily leads to interpersonal issues with the other person. This approach to conflict resolution creates many avoidable arguments in the work place and home.

So how can we present our point of view without creating this reaction in people? The key is to learn to see the situation from the other’s point of view and address it from within their viewpoint as well as from our own. We can still express our thoughts and feelings about a situation using this approach, but it usually produces a very different outcome.

This technique is an excellent way to approach all communication, whether with family, friends, work colleagues or strangers. We learn to express our thoughts, concerns and ideas and even disagree with others, but acknowledge verbally and through our body language, that the other person has the right to their opinions and thoughts about the issue causing the disagreement.

This approach maintains a relationship between two people that acknowledges that no one position is more valid than another’s views, perspectives or thoughts.. This does not mean that both ideas are equally valid, but conveys the understanding that the other person has a right to the thoughts or opinions about the situation causing the disagreement. This approach values the relationship and validates the person, whilst not necessarily validating the problem or the suggested solution.

There is an old saying that states, “you will never know another person until you first walk in their shoes.” Trying to approach and diffuse a situation from their perspective enables us to walk in their shoes in the situation. It changes the “I want” statements, which presents the issue from our perspective to the “I know you feel this way and can understand why you do, but may I present another idea or show you why that idea is not the best one.”

As we learn and apply this technique in our lives, it becomes obvious we have gained insight into an extremely important life lesson that validates and maintains relationships, even if we don’t agree with the other person. It helps us to approach potential conflict situations in a non-confrontational way that promotes discussion and resolution.

Love and Relationships

Loving Actions For Yourself


Loving actions for yourself are those actions that attend to your own needs. When you take loving action in your own behalf, you are letting yourself know that you matter, you are important, you count. When you fail to take loving action, you give yourself the message that you are not important, which leads to feelings of depression and inadequacy.


Loving actions for yourself might include:


• Eating nutritious foods, avoiding junk food and sugar, eating when hungry and stopping when full.
• Getting enough exercise.
• Keeping your work and home environments clean and organized.
• Getting enough sleep.
• Creating a balance between work and play. Making sure you have time to get your work done, as well as time to do nothing, reflect, learn, play and create.
• Creating a good support system of people who love and care about you.
• Being organized with your time, getting places on time, paying bills on time, and so on.
• Choosing to be compassionate with yourself rather than judgmental toward yourself.
• Creating a balance between time for yourself and time with others.
• Making sure you are physically safe by wearing a seat belt in a car, a helmet on a motorcycle, scooter, or bike, goggles when necessary, and so on.


Loving Actions In Relationship To Others


Loving actions in relationship to others might include:


• Being kind and compassionate toward others without compromising your own integrity or ignoring your own needs and feelings.
• Saying no when you mean no and yes when you mean yes, rather than giving yourself up and going along with something you don’t want to do, or automatically resisting what another wants from you.
• Taking care of your own needs instead of trying to change and control others. Accepting your lack of control over others and either accepting them as they are or not being around them.
• Speaking your truth about what is acceptable to you and what is unacceptable and then taking action for yourself based on your truth.
• Taking personal responsibility for your own feelings and needs, instead of being a victim and making others responsible for your feelings and needs.
• Creating a balance between giving and receiving, rather than a one- way street with another person.

Loving actions for yourself are those actions that attend to your own needs. When you take loving action in your own behalf, you are letting yourself know that you matter, you are important, you count. When you fail to take loving action, you give yourself the message that you are not important, which leads to feelings of depression and inadequacy.

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