In some way or another, breaking up and staying friends is sort of like getting back together with an ex. Only this time you two will not have a romantic relationship. It will only be a platonic relationship. There are some benefits and drawbacks to this. Read further and then decide whether breaking up and staying friends is right for you.
In order to figure out if staying friends with your ex is worthwhile to you, you must figure out if either one of you still has strong feelings for each other. If either one of you still want to get back together romantically, then there can be no possibility of having a platonic relationship because there will always be some longing there to get really close.
One possibility of being able to stay friends is if you and your partner find partners of your own who satisfy your need for romantic and emotional love. At that point, you will likely have reached full closure and are now strong enough to have a friendship level relationship with your ex. One example of this scenario can be found on the Santa Claus movie with Tim Allen. His wife left him and found another man, while Tim found fulfillment somewhere else. They were both fulfilled, therefore they were comfortable being friends with each other, even though they were exes.
Another drawback of breaking up and staying friends is the very real possibility of one of you getting jealous once the other one begins to have a romantic relationship with another person. This is the downfall and most common reason of failed friendships between ex lovers. If one of you feels jealousy clamoring to the surface, then friendship after a relationship is not for you. More often than not, this scenario happens, and in order to prevent this, it is best to go cold turkey. Give yourself at least a couple of months before contacting them again.
Sometimes in order to feel the benefits of friendship, you do need to be apart for a couple of months. If this might sound awkward or counter intuitive, consider the fact that you don’t know what you have until you lose it. After a little time passes, you might realize what a friend you actually had. Or your partner might realize what a good friend you were and then come back to you with mended ways. Either way, a little time apart might do both of you some good.
The few benefits that do exist when staying friends after a breakup beg the question: Why? Why would you want to stay friends with your ex after a breakup? If your new romantic partner is okay with it, then that will be fine. But if they are not okay with it, then you will have to choose whether you want to continue the relationship with both them and your ex. Some people would view that as baggage while others would see it as something totally doable. It is entirely up to you.
Marriage is the best form of companionship designed by mankind. After marriage a person is assured of at least one friend for life. Marriage gives some assurance that one will have a companion through thick and thin till the end. We cannot call our other friendships and relations so dependable. That is why marriage is important. All this was certainly true, few decades ago. Is it so even now? How far are you dependent on your marriage to derive satisfaction and peace in life?
Now let us examine some personalities. For my first example I will take a man/woman who is career oriented. For whom nothing matters other than the career and achievements in the work place. What kind of married life will such a person have? One can assume that such a person will not be very dependent upon married relationship. Such a person will not undergo an unbearable shock if marriage breaks.
Take another example of a person who has a large group of friends and socially networks very well. Attends all the functions, parties and celebrations thrown by friends. If someone is a typical social animal that thrives in a group of friends and invents reasons for gatherings, will he/she depend on the married life for happiness? Such people are not highly dependent on their married life for happiness. Their attitude is different.
On the other hand, let us take an example of a person who is introvert and likes to remain with and shares more time with family. Such a person is a devoted family person and may get devastated if separated or after the death of spouse.
All of us derive different pleasures with different relationships. Our priorities vary. Our value system varies. Because of these differences in our personalities, marriage may or may not play a very important role in every ones life.
Is your marriage boat rocking? Maybe you are thinking what happened to all those vows you took when you got married. It happens with the best of us. We start out with the best of hopes to do something great out of our marriage and then we falter along the way. However, if you give it a little more care and attention, maybe you can still keep your marriage alive.
If issues have cropped up between the two of you, then you need to first think for yourself how those issues started. In most cases, you will find that it was nobody’s fault and then it was the fault of both of you. If you can, get someone neutral whom you trust in and tell him or her of everything that has happened between your partner and you. They may be able to give you a great perspective on where the fault actually lies.
Whosoever is at fault, you are responsible as well. Being accountable for it is something that can really help you. Own up to your shortcomings. Accept to yourself that the mistake was not wholly your partner’s. Once you have done that, you must gather the courage to go up and speak to your partner. Tell them that you do not want your beautiful relationship to come to an end because of some trivial issues and tell them that you are expressly sorry for whatever happened. It does not matter if they apologize or not. You are not looking for an apology here. You are looking for a better life together. If you get back together, you have the whole life ahead to analyze what went wrong.
Bring the fun back into your relationship. Maybe things have started to sour because you are no longer as exciting for each other as you were before. Plan something together, like going on a vacation… just the two of us. This can work amazingly well in bringing both of you close together. When you get back together in this manner, you will both realize the fun aspect of your relationship that you have been missing so far and you will want to rekindle that passion once more.
Throughout all of this, you have to maintain an optimistic attitude. Keep confidence in yourself. Go on as nothing has happened to mar your relationship. Do not give out the slightest hint that your relationship has soured and that it is heading for bad times. If you think positively, then you will see the difference it makes for your partner’s perception of you.
Every one of us has ended a relationship at one time or another. There are various reasons for ending a relationship, and there are important things to know before you end it. In addition to knowing why a relationship should be ended, you should also know what you should do before ending a relationship, while you are ending it, and after you end it. There is also help and support available to you throughout the process to make it as painless as possible.
Some reasons to end a relationship include lack of communication, lack of honesty, incompatible viewpoints and abuse. Communication is the cornerstone of a successful relationship, and without it, your bond together will be loosened. Honesty is another big one. If you or your partner are not honest with each other, how will you learn to trust each other when times get hard? If you do not trust your partner and see that you will continue not to trust him or her, then it might be time to consider ending the relationship.
When both of you have incompatible viewpoints, especially on certain significant topics like children, religion, spirituality and family values, then there needs to be some serious consideration as to whether or not you should continue the relationship. This is because down the road when those issues come up, your true side will come out and all the mess will hit the fan. It’s best to discuss it and nip it in the bud right now. Abuse is another big factor in ending a relationship. No person has the right to abuse his or her partner whether it is physically, emotionally or mentally. One of the biggest reasons for ending a relationship has to do with someone abusing the other person.
While you are ending your relationship, it is important to cut off all ties with that person such as friends, family members, co-workers, etc. This is to avoid coming back into the trap of being tempted to get back together again. Have some trusted people you can talk to in order to help you through the process. There is also help and support available to you to make the situation as painless as possible. After ending a relationship, continue to keep yourself busy and surround yourself with people you know and trust. The worst thing you can do is isolate yourself, so stay positive and reach out to your family and community.